Buy experiences, not things

When a person has a materialistic mindset and, worse yet, a need to compare their possessions with others, the joy of acquiring a dream item fades in an instant. For example? As soon as it turns out that a neighbor's car is more expensive or has better features, some people can no longer enjoy their own vehicle. We’ve all been there, right?

Toxic comparison steals your joy

One of the reasons why material goods bring us such fleeting happiness is that it is easy to compare whether what we bought is actually better than what the people we compare ourselves to possess. It is easier to compare objects than experiences. Both the price and the measurable features of a product make such comparisons easy, and their effects can be detrimental to our mental well-being.

In the case of experiences, it is difficult to judge who derived more pleasure—even when people have tried the exact same things. If several people drink the same wine, attend a concert, or admire a painting, then it is impossible to determine whose pleasure was greater. It is even harder to compare experiences from different situations. Even if individuals tried to rate their pleasure on a scale, there would still be no precise way to measure who actually experienced more delight.

What’s more, when it comes to experiences, price is not a reliable indicator of the level of pleasure. It’s not as if a wine that costs twice as much will provide twice as much enjoyment. Furthermore, even free activities can bring us more joy than things we have to pay for.

So, if someone—even someone very wealthy—tries to build their sense of self-worth or success on owning expensive items, they will fall into a trap, because there will always be someone who has more material goods than they do…

Some find it easier to spend on things than on experiences

Spending money wisely is one of the 9 areas of financial management. To ensure our well-being, we need to buy not only objects but also invest in pleasant experiences.

We can observe different approaches to money by analyzing the purchasing decisions of people with different financial identity types. I described these types in the article “Financial Identity. Its impact on actions and emotions related to money”.

While hedonists are usually happy to spend on both objects and experiences, in my financial coaching practice, I have also worked with people who have a “Saver” or “Worrier” identity, for whom spending on experiences was emotionally even more difficult than buying objects, because experiences are, after all, fleeting… Some even gave up concerts by their favorite artists or dream vacations because “a concert cost as much as a pair of shoes, and a trip abroad cost as much as a large part of a car”…

It was therefore easier for them to rationalize paying for objects. However, they felt that by limiting their purchases of things that brought them pleasure, they were reducing their sense of happiness.

The pitfalls of overspending on material goods

During the communist era, a time of chronic shortages of all goods, hoarding items was a very rational strategy. People bought in bulk—partly to provide for their children. However, the situation has changed. Stores are full, and the media does everything to encourage us to constantly buy more than we need…

While surrounding ourselves with objects can be pleasurable and provide a false sense of security or the feeling of having spent money on "something tangible," once we have purchased the things we truly need, our life satisfaction will increase more if we spend more on experiences, than on more material goods.

What’s more, by constantly chasing new things, we have less time to nurture our relationships. I don’t mean that we have to spend time earning money for shopping, because many experiences also cost money, such as a concert ticket.

The more clothes, books, china, or appliances we own, the more time we must spend taking care of them. Objects require organizing, maintenance, and other upkeep. And that takes away our time, which can never be recovered! It can also lead to additional costs. For example, silver jewelry needs cleaning from time to time, just as cars need servicing and repairs, and clothes—even those we don't wear—need refreshing.

Objects take up our space, which means we need larger homes or storage facilities, such as self-storage units. And that means further expenses. If we own two cars, we also need two parking spaces. If we have bought a lot of clothes, books, or electronic gadgets, we need larger closets, which takes up more space in our homes, leaving us with less room for ourselves and our loved ones.

Objects can be lost, whereas what we have experienced can never be taken away from us. It will remain in our memory regardless of whether one is wealthy or poor, or how life unfolds in the future.

Sometimes we think that as soon as we buy that next dream item, our level of happiness will increase. We hope that the joy of a desired car, piece of clothing, or electronic device will last a long time. However, the hedonic adaptation mechanism, which is the tendency to quickly get used to good things, causes the pleasure we feel to fade away quite rapidly.

The good news is that when it comes to experiences, hedonic adaptation occurs more slowly than with material objects. In other words, while even pleasant experiences—such as dining at high-end restaurants—may eventually lose their novelty, this usually happens much more slowly than getting used to a more expensive car, a new smartphone, or designer clothes.

We can enjoy many wonderful experiences completely free of charge. Museums, art galleries, and historic sites often offer free admission one day a week. Many beautiful places, such as historic churches, parks, and nature reserves, are free to enter. Even in small towns, there are free cultural and sporting events, open lectures, demonstrations, and workshops. We don't have to pay to admire sunsets and the beauty of nature or enjoy time spent with loved ones. As Michał Bajor sang in his song "I Am Rich":

"Look

I am truly rich

For I have the stars in the sky

And you, and the flowers"

Let us therefore ensure a healthy balance between buying more things and investing in positive experiences.