Emotional crises caused by finance

Our approach to finance is heavily influenced by the patterns we learn at home, as well as our beliefs, values, religion, and even personality traits (especially the balance between neuroticism and resilience, and the level of conscientiousness).

As Piotr Łabuz, a psychologist and financial coaching expert, points out, the most common sources of financial-related emotional crises are:

Inability to meet needs basic and/or higher-order needs

We can differ significantly in what we consider a basic need. For some, it might be specific food products, while for others, it’s the latest iPhone model. If your partner has a completely different view on which purchases are essential for daily life and which can be skipped, this can become a major source of conflict in the relationship.

Fear of debt or bankruptcy

It is worth noting that this does not have to be a realistic threat. We can be in an excellent financial position and still spend our whole lives fearing debt. I once had a client who had significant savings and several rental properties, yet he was terrified of the prospect of bankruptcy the moment he lost his job. Even though he admitted he had enough money to last for years, he couldn't explain why he was panicking, despite objectively having a level of financial security that most people could only envy.

Fear of losing money

Even if such a loss is objectively unlikely or would not significantly worsen the financial situation of the person and their family. Imagine one partner constantly worrying about being robbed, hyperinflation, a stock market crash, or their employer stopping payments. While these are all possibilities that should be considered in long-term financial planning, excessive worrying can make life difficult for both the person and their family—especially if they bombard their loved ones with their anxieties and constant complaining.

Fear of losing social status

This is especially true for those who build their social standing on their wealth or believe that money is the only way to earn respect or happiness. Conflicts between partners can arise when one person spends disproportionately—for example, wanting a more expensive house, a better car, or designer clothes just to impress others, even when they cannot afford it. Sometimes, such a person even falls into debt to maintain a certain lifestyle, even when the family's financial situation has worsened or they never had the means for that lifestyle in the first place. If the other partner values saving, it is obvious that they will struggle to reach an agreement on this issue.

Financial instability

This instability occurs when periods of financial success are interspersed with drops in liquidity. This situation is particularly prone to causing conflict for people who have a strong need for security and predictability, handle stress poorly, and dislike being pushed out of their comfort zone.

Equating money with happiness, which is the mistaken belief that life satisfaction must increase in proportion to one's wealth

Unfortunately, it often happens that one partner, in the pursuit of happiness and the desire to provide the family with the highest possible material status, ends up neglecting their loved ones. They spend more time working or growing their wealth than on their relationships. They fail to see that their family would prefer less money but more closeness and time spent together.

Do you experience emotional crises related to these areas? If so, it is worth taking a deeper look at these areas now and analyzing how your attitude toward finance affects your relationships with loved ones and other aspects of your life.