How to Find Friendship in Adulthood?

A friendship worth having

The American Psychological Association defines friendship as a voluntary, relatively long-term relationship between two or more people, based on mutual concern for the needs of its participants and the opportunity to fulfill one's own desires. Friendships are most often strengthened through shared experiences that allow those involved to see how rewarding their company is to one another.

Research confirms that this satisfaction is well-founded. Relationships built on trust significantly improve our sense of security and have a positive impact on our health. One of the main benefits is stress reduction resulting from the belief that we can count on the support of friends during difficult times.

The most important principles of friendships, which are a source of positive emotions and a sense of closeness, are:

1. Trust and loyalty. Trust is fundamental to friendship because it allows both parties to be open and honest in expressing themselves. Friends share their deepest thoughts, which strengthens the bond and builds a sense of security. Loyalty and commitment to the relationship are manifested through mutual care and support—especially in difficult situations.
2. Reciprocity and balance. True friendship is based on reciprocity—both people are equally committed to the relationship in terms of time, energy, and resources. Maintaining harmony and balance prevents feelings of exploitation or inequality, which reinforces positive feelings and minimizes the risk of conflict.
3. Independence and autonomy. Healthy friendships allow for the expression of individuality and personal growth for each person. Relationships that provide space for autonomy have a positive impact on our mental well-being, motivate us to achieve goals, and encourage us to pursue interests without creating dependency—which further strengthens the bonds between participants.
4. Shared interests and values. Similar interests and aligned values help build and strengthen friendships. These similarities increase relationship stability and reduce the risk of potential conflict by providing topics for discussion, creating opportunities to spend time together, and enhancing mutual understanding.
5. Long-term stability and well-being. Friendships often offer more stability than romantic relationships, which can contribute to improved emotional well-being and overall life satisfaction in the long run. While romantic relationships are often characterized by many ups and downs, friendships provide a consistent source of support throughout different stages of life. This stability in a friendship can serve as a reliable anchor for mental health, increasing one's sense of security.
6. Reduced reliance on romantic relationships. Research shows that strong friendships can reduce reliance on romantic partners as the sole source of emotional support. People with close friendships experience greater life satisfaction and lower levels of depression, regardless of the difficulties they may face in their romantic relationships.
7. Emotional regulation and resilience. Friends help us manage our emotions by offering empathy and new perspectives on a given situation. This emotional regulation is particularly beneficial for mental health—friends provide a safe space for us to express our thoughts and feelings, contributing to the development of self-confidence and resilience.
8. A sense of belonging. Friendships build a sense of belonging and support the process of self-acceptance. Unlike romantic relationships, which often focus on intimacy and attachment, friendships foster social integration and identity development—especially during adolescence and early adulthood. Having a circle of friends gives us a sense of belonging to a larger social network, which reduces the risk of social isolation. 

How do you make friends in adulthood?

If you feel like you would like to have more friends, it is worth starting by increasing the number of opportunities to meet new people. You can do this in various ways. Here are a few tips based on psychological research.

1. Gradually building friendships through repeated interactions

A key element of making new friends in adulthood is repeated, casual interaction. The "mere-exposure effect" suggests that we tend to develop a greater affinity for people and things we encounter regularly. Regularly visiting places like a local coffee shop or gym, as well as attending recurring events, increases the likelihood of meeting and connecting with potential friends. Furthermore, in the context of deepening existing bonds, this effect highlights how important it is to spend time regularly with the people with whom we want to build a friendship.

2. Group activities

Participating in group activities is one of the best ways to meet people with similar interests and make new connections. According to psychologists, shared activities provide a natural context for conversation and bonding, helping adults overcome the awkwardness that often accompanies new social situations. These shared experiences create common ground that can eventually serve as a foundation for developing a deeper friendship.

3. Sharing personal experiences and information

Gradually sharing personal experiences and information is another effective method for deepening new acquaintances. Research confirms that mutual self-disclosure fosters trust and strengthens bonds. The key is to start conversations with lighter topics and gradually share more personal stories. This approach encourages reciprocity, showing genuine interest in the other person and creating the foundation for a new friendship.

4. Volunteering and social engagement

Volunteering or joining social organizations is another effective way to form new relationships. Studies confirm that people involved in volunteering are more likely to build social networks and experience greater satisfaction with their social lives. Working together often makes it easier to form deeper bonds based on shared values. 

A true, healthy friendship brings many benefits to our lives. It teaches us to talk openly about our emotions, which helps us process and better understand them. Friendship provides us with a sense of security, giving us the confidence that we can count on the support of our loved ones during difficult times, and it also boosts our self-esteem.

The benefits of friendship are multidimensional, encompassing both emotional and health aspects. That is why it is worth investing time and energy into nurturing bonds with others and not giving up on the search for friendship—even if you haven't had such relationships for most of your life. So, if you are looking for friendship, remember that many people want the same thing. Give yourself a chance to meet someone special!

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