How to survive Christmas with the family?

Hurry increases stress and aggression!

Almost everyone who is in a rush or under pressure becomes more explosive. It is easier to fall into a spiral of negative emotions. If you are short on time and someone cuts you off in traffic or takes an exceptionally long time to unload their items at the checkout, you may feel more irritated than on a normal day. When something stresses you out, you are more likely to be unkind to coworkers, a salesperson, or a friend. It is no wonder, then, that especially during the holiday season, we see so many arguments in stores, on the streets, and within families. Even over trivial matters! Instead of constantly rushing and "checking off" tasks, slow down. Take care of some relaxation and a little pleasure for yourself and your loved ones, and it will translate into a better atmosphere and fewer tensions at Christmas.

Rest!

Before the holidays, we usually have a buildup of tasks at work. Many people take time off, so there is additional pressure to wrap up as many things as possible. Especially if our monthly or annual bonus depends on it. If you add too many tasks related to holiday preparations on top of that, instead of enjoying time with your loved ones, you will be too tired and irritated. You will become less mentally resilient. You will more easily let yourself be thrown off balance by even the smallest things.

You will do more good for yourself and your family if you ensure you get enough sleep and relaxation than if you prepare 12 dishes or clean and decorate the house better at the expense of your own health and nerves…

Don't accept invitations to anger

Unfortunately, in almost every family, there are people who take pleasure in picking on others. They provoke, tease, and try to draw you into verbal skirmishes. In doing so, they are sending an "invitation to anger." The more upset they make someone, the more fun it is for them.

If you cannot avoid the company of these toxic people, at least do not let yourself be drawn into their games. Do not forget that they are masters at this; they have decades of experience in being difficult. Do not count on fixing them. A person must want to change themselves. This applies to addictions and bad habits, as well as to stopping the mistreatment of others.

The best method is to ignore the provocations and focus your attention on the guests who are behaving pleasantly. I know how hard it is to resist hitting back. However, remember that you will only lose your energy and good mood.

Watch what you say

You cannot "take back shouted words." It is difficult to forgive, and even harder to apologize. Therefore, before you say something or send a text in anger, think about what consequences it might have for your relationships. This advice should be taken to heart especially by hot-tempered people, as they are the ones most prone to speaking before they think.

Don't compare yourself to others

One of the main reasons for stress and negative emotions during family gatherings is that we compare ourselves to others. Do not compare your earnings, car, appearance, or life to others. Intervene immediately when someone in the family uses comments toward your child like: "What are your grades at school? Because my other grandchild or the neighbors' daughter gets straight A's/takes tennis lessons/could already read at age X."

Take that person aside and explain why such words are harmful. Ask them not to feed children such comparisons. You can read about why this is so destructive in my article Why toxic comparisons with others lower your life satisfaction.

Plan your tasks

Every year, we see people frantically running around stores just before Christmas. While you really cannot buy bread, fish, meat, or fruit too far in advance, you can take care of gifts, decorations, or a holiday tablecloth much earlier. You will save yourself the stress and standing in long lines.

Prepare a list of things you need for the holidays at least 3 weeks in advance. Hang it in a visible place, e.g., on the fridge, and add to it as soon as you remember another task. Then group (or color-code) what you can prepare earlier. For example: make sure the clothes you plan to wear don't need washing, or that last year's Santa suit, tablecloths, or centerpieces are still usable—instead of desperately running around stores on Christmas Eve morning looking for replacements.

Make a detailed list of all the food products you will need. It is best if, after writing it down "from memory," you look through the recipes you intend to use and make sure you haven't forgotten anything. This will help you avoid a situation where, while baking a cake, you find out you are missing gingerbread spice.

Keep your expectations realistic

Remember that Christmas commercials and movies depict a world that doesn't actually exist! Everyone is kind and smiling. Even if there are conflicts or problems at the beginning, the ending is always happy. People forgive each other. They fix mistakes and mend relationships. They support one another and face difficulties together. In the end, we see a picture of a perfect, joyful family gathered around a lavishly set table in a beautiful home.

Unfortunately, real life rarely looks like that. The more idealized the picture you create, the more disappointed you will be when reality falls short. Excessive expectations of yourself and others will only lead to frustration. For example, if a family member is always snide, don't count on them having undergone a profound inner transformation just in time for the holidays, suddenly realizing how much they've hurt others and deciding to be kind. Likewise, if you’ve had a difficult time at work leading up to the holidays and are feeling crushed by the weight of household chores, it will be harder for you to be as joyful and patient with others as you would like to be. I explained this mechanism in more detail in the article Expectations vs. reality – how to avoid the trap of your own imagination.

Be understanding with yourself and others

Despite your best efforts, things can always go wrong. You or someone else might not be able to resist a snarky comment. You might bring up a topic you know will stir up trouble. Someone might forget to bring the promised cake. Instead of getting annoyed, try to focus on the fact that neither you nor the other person had bad intentions. No one is perfect.

Think about what really matters!

Unfortunately, we often get so caught up in tasks and the desire to prepare perfect dishes during the holidays that we forget that Christmas isn't meant to be about overeating or admiring beautiful decorations and a spotless house. It should be about people who care about each other coming together and spending time as one!

Make peace with the fact that you didn't manage to get everything done. Between your professional workload and daily responsibilities, it’s hard to take care of every single detail. Instead of getting frustrated that there aren't 12 dishes on the table, enjoy the moment!

I wish everyone a joyful Christmas spent in a warm and supportive atmosphere :)