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Where do limiting beliefs come from?
Self-limiting beliefs, or self-destructive opinions that we share about ourselves, are often formed as early as childhood. If those closest to us were very were critical or were still comparing themselves to better people in the area, then the idea may arise in us that we are weak and will achieve little. Words like: “Great that you got a five, but Kasia got a six”, “Don't even start because you can't”, “Try harder”, can be remembered for the rest of our lives.
A strong voice may appear in the head”The Inner Critic“who keeps saying, “You could have done better. You could have achieved more. It didn't work out for you again.” Such a voice hurts, undercuts the wings and causes us to fear another failure. What's worse, we will not notice our predisposition and progress even where we obviously have them! Because after all, you can always get something more and there will always be someone better than us... You can find more about the destructive effect of comparing yourself on self-esteem in my article Why Toxic Comparisons With Others Lower Your Life Satisfaction.
Where does the lack of faith in ourselves come from?
- Overprotection on the part of parents
Lack of faith in ourselves and the belief that we are unable to give advice can be caused by Overprotective parents. Especially when they handed us in or out of the way all difficult or stressful situations. Even if they had good intentions and wanted to protect us from sorrows, disappointments or failures, the result is unfortunately such that later we suffer even more. We have low self-esteem. We are full of complexes, fears and fears. Since we have not had a sufficiently large confrontation with demanding situations, we cannot believe that without a protective umbrella we will manage and will not fight. In this way, we become prisoners of limiting beliefs.
- Perfectionism as a blocker of our actions
Paradoxically perfectionism can also lead to the emergence of limiting beliefs and low self-esteem. If we strive excessively for perfection and we criticize ourselves for everything that is below idealWe will always feel bad enough. We will begin to be afraid to go beyond the comfort zone and experiment, because after all, “everything is difficult before it becomes easy.” We will believe that we are not suitable for most things just because we have not given ourselves enough time and opportunity to gain experience.
It is natural that at first something does not work out. Since “practice makes a master”, without sufficiently long practice we will not have the opportunity to test whether we actually have the ability to do something.
- Experience of violence
alas being a victim of violence — especially in childhood — often undermines self-esteem. In coaching sessions, I have had many clients who have self-doubt through bullying at work or experiencing physical or psychological violence in a relationship or family.
Limiting Beliefs Can Be Derived Negative Stereotypes related to gender, age, origin, appearance, personality, diseases. If we believe in advance that it is “too late” for us, for example, for a new job, then we will not even try. We will not see if we have had the opportunity to realize our dreams. Harmful self-stereotypes (that is, those that you share about yourself or your social group) can take away the courage to at least test yourself in a given field.
It is not easy to overcome obstacles that are not influenced. It is even harder not to give up when others make fun of our ambitions and intentions. An example? One of the most recognizable stars of the music scene, Freddie Mercury (Queen band), despite the circumstances and a serious defect in the bite, consistently pursued the goal and achieved legendary success. Such a story can also motivate you to focus on your goal and your strengths, rather than deficits.
How to break self-limiting beliefs?
- Start by becoming aware of the positive and negative opinions about yourself. Then make a list of such beliefswhich cause you to assume failure in advance, even though you have not done so or have no reason to believe that you have absolutely no chance. Reformulate a self-destructive beliefso that it is no longer so blocking, for example, instead of “I will never make good money”, say to yourself - “if I want to earn better, then I have to do/learn”.
- Make a list of your Strengths, advantages and achievements. Read it when you feel like you suck. Recall from memory the positive endings of situations that seemed to outgrow you. Celebrate your successes — even small ones!
- Realistic look on your strengths and weaknesses, it helps to build a more stable self-esteem and to find a healthy balance between self-confidence and the ability to adequately assess your competencies and capabilities.
- The skill is valuable Distinguishing facts from opinions - both in the evaluation of ourselves and of other people or situations. The fact may be that you failed the exam or that learning foreign languages comes with difficulty for you. Self-destructive opinion will be: “I am not suitable for study”, “nothing works out for me”, “I will never be able to communicate in English.”
- Avoid generalizations like “never”, “always”, “every time”. When you think, “I'll never learn this,” think of a situation where you were convinced that learning something was completely out of your reach, and yet you were able to do it! And if your Inner Critic whispers in your ear, “You lose every time,” break that belief by reminding yourself of times when you've been successful.
- Look for a person in your environment who under certain She is similar to you and has done so.What you think is unworkable. For example, if you think it's too late to disguise yourself, find people who did it when they were your age.
- Read biographies “You will see that everyone has suffered many failures and had moments of doubt. What characterizes successful people is the consistent pursuit of a goal.
- When someone discourages you from acting or gives you negative feedback, consider both the validity of these remarks and their intention. Constructive criticism is aimed at helping to become better and does not deprive you of dignity.
Important: try to make yourself aware, where did this belief come from on your subject. Have you always had them? Did someone “tell you” this, e.g. teacher, parents, boss, friends? Often negative opinions about ourselves and low self-esteem can be sown in us by others...
The good news is that you can work effectively to strengthen your self-esteem and regaining the sense of agency (impact on one's own life), which are crucial to achieving well-being and taking advantage of the opportunities that fate gives us.
