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Set Goals Reasonably
In the spring, a new life awakens. More sun, warmth and longer days give us energy and a desire to act. We clean up not only at home. With the first days of spring, many people decide to make positive changes in their lives. They want to get out of addictions. Eat healthier. Playing sports, learning languages, improving personal relationships — examples could be multiplied. Gyms and swimming pools are filling up again with people who have decided to get off the couch. As at the beginning of the year, the siege is experienced by nutritionists, coaches, coaches or psychotherapists. Some of those who failed to implement New Year's resolutions try again. However, after only a few weeks, the circle of volunteers is again thinned out, and a lot of people have the feeling of another failure in achieving their goals...
Why is this happening? Many of us make mistakes at the very stage of setting goals: there are too many resolutions, and keeping them is unrealistic considering the situation in which a person finds himself and the resources to which he or she has access. For example: if someone has a lot of free time and money, and a staff of helpers (nutritionists, psychologists, personal trainers) - it will be easier for him to lose weight or sculpt his figure than a person who not only cannot afford professional and tailor-made advice, but simply falls from fatigue after a whole day spent at work or doing household chores. For such a person, even finding time for seemingly small activities like going for a walk or cooking a healthy dinner instead of fast food will require a lot more determination. So it deserves to be appreciated all the more.
What can you do to increase your chances of achieving your goal? Break it down into smaller steps, preferably ones that will allow you to see the effects in less time, as long as you put a lot of effort into it, of course. Every step in the right direction will help you build a habit of success — if you learn to spot and reward even small advances.
Do not compare yourself with others!
Each of us is unique. He has a different personality, body, predisposition, skills, beliefs and experiences. He is in a different personal, professional and financial situation. Take this into account when setting goals for yourself!
It is worth being inspired by people who have achieved what we want and use good practices. However, before you start blaming yourself for not achieving what others do, think about what situation this person was in and what helped them. Think about what you can use and who to ask for support. The same result requires a completely different effort in different people.
Don't compare yourself to other people, but to where you were a week or a year ago. Ambition and the desire to catch up with the best helps only in certain situations. More often, such comparing yourself is a source of a decrease in self-esteem, a feeling of being inferior and weak. And as a result, it causes even greater blockages, demotivation and marasmus. Thinking, “If I haven't achieved what others have done, I'm pathetic” makes it harder and harder to motivate yourself to do anything. Even the ones we really have a chance to do.
A Toxic Mixture of Guilt and Shame
Psychologists have long proven that the biggest barriers to achieving goals, getting out of addictions or implementing good habits lie in ourselves! Especially destructive is the mixture of guilt and shame. If you inadequately blame yourself when you do not achieve your goal, if your “inner critic” throws a stack of painful epithets at you, if you are ashamed that you have taken only a part of the intended actions, then instead of motivating yourself, you establish in yourself the habit of failure! On the one hand, you begin to perceive yourself as a loser, and on the other — you generate fear of action, because it is associated with failure and stress for you. If you constantly blame yourself for failures or too little progress, you take away your energy and faith in yourself. And without it, it is difficult for everyone to mobilize for action...
As a result, it is even more difficult for you to initiate the desired change and you are even more afraid of not meeting expectations (especially yours!). You are less likely to make attempts to achieve goals. You will give up faster - because “why make an effort, if you don't succeed anyway?” ... Your faith in the sense of action and self-esteem becomes even lower. This is how you establish in yourself the “habit of failure”...
Celebrate even small successes
Few of us are fortunate enough to receive enough motivating feedback at work and at home. So we need to provide it for ourselves in order to strengthen the will to act and consistently stick to the established path.
Learn to see your progress and celebrate even small achievements. This adds self-motivation and a sense of agility. It encourages consistency and putting effort into the next steps.
Reward yourself not only for the results, but also for the effort you put in! Remember that not everything depends on you. It often happens that although we have done our best, the results are below expectations. If you underestimate your effort, it will become increasingly difficult for you to achieve your goals.
I often hear from my clients in coaching that they cannot enjoy success, and at the same time they lynch themselves for every failure or even for too little achievements. This attitude takes away joy and self-esteem in the long run. He brings to life in constant fear of failure. It makes you feel too weak or not good enough. It's time to change that!
Building self-esteem and the habit of appreciating oneself is as crucial for the effective achievement of goals as self-control, conscientiousness, determination or the selection of methods appropriate to our situation and personality.
There are hundreds of inspiring books on the market with advice on how to change habits and achieve goals. I especially recommend two: “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg and “The Power of Will. Use self-control and achieve more!” Psychologist Kelly McGonigal.
