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Beata and Magda had one goal that day: to present their projects to their boss. Both were perfectly prepared, and their ideas were equally impressive. Beata performed brilliantly as usual; even a few stumbles while discussing the data didn't throw her off. Magda fared much worse. Nerves made her unable to even connect her computer, and she then stammered through her presentation while staring at her notes. Her idea was rejected, and she felt absolutely terrible.
This is, of course, just a hypothetical situation, but it is also the daily reality for many people struggling with a lack of self-confidence. Often, employees who are much better prepared, have great ideas, but are extremely unsure of their own worth remain without a promotion for years, and their proposals are never implemented. The same applies to our private lives—greater self-belief, assertiveness, as well as trust in one's own decisions and the ability to push them through, are exceptionally important components of success. Whether it's building a successful relationship, learning a language, handling something at a government office, or managing a renovation efficiently.
Self-confidence is like a car that gets us to our destination. And like any car, it requires proper maintenance and constant care to ensure everything is working correctly. It is not mysteriously granted to a select few once and for all. It changes throughout our lives and requires constant training. Fortunately, this means that even for a shy person like Magda, there is a chance to "sell" her idea next time.
Start by listing your strengths
A good idea is to write down your strengths. A trusted person can help with this if you are worried that low self-esteem will prevent you from thinking objectively. The next step is to read this list with understanding and find examples where, for instance, your analytical skills gave you a real advantage. You can also rely on friends for help here.
Build your own comfort zone
We already know our strengths, now it's time to prepare what gives us strength and "brings us luck." A favorite shirt in which we look exceptionally good, that special mug we always want to have on hand, or perhaps comfortable shoes that make us stand more firmly while giving a speech. We all have our rituals, talismans, and superstitions—though it sounds like magic, it is a completely normal reaction. Proper attire has long been used by people to emphasize hierarchy and build their position, and "talismans" are an expression of our mind's natural tendency to look for patterns and connections, even where they don't exist. So, if something has "brought us luck" a few times, it will now boost our confidence in success.
Plan achievements using the small steps method
The next piece of advice requires a bit of patience. It is about slowing down and setting smaller, yet easier-to-achieve goals. Such small steps will ensure that we ultimately have more victories or experiences under our belt, regularly building our self-confidence.
Celebrate and remember every success
It is important to properly celebrate and enjoy every such success, even a symbolic one. Forget about phrasing that takes away our sense of agency. Not "I managed to do this well," but "I did this well." Not "I succeeded in the presentation," but "I presented this brilliantly." Let's appreciate ourselves and highlight our merits.
Treat failure as an experience
What if we stumble on the way to our goal? Well, it's worth treating setbacks as a normal part of the process and learning from them. This is how we become experts, ready for various situations, even those that incurable optimists wouldn't be able to foresee. This, in turn, builds self-confidence – we know we can handle even the toughest moments. So, what is there to be afraid of?
Visualizing success works wonders
Since we're on the subject of optimism, it can also prove to be a great ally. It is worth visualizing victory and affirming success. Of course, there is no magic involved, and it won't make the "universe conspire in your favor." However, you gain a powerful ally in your own mind – by bringing your goal within reach and making it feel more real, you may start to perceive it as easier to achieve. This, in turn, has a positive impact on your self-confidence.
Learn to say "no"
Self-confidence also means assertiveness and the ability to set boundaries. Both can be practiced, but no course—not even the best one—can replace actual practice. The art of saying "no" when necessary, in an empathetic way, is almost a key competency these days. How do you acquire it?
Just start. From the simplest situations where you feel comfortable, to gradually more difficult ones. Practice makes perfect, even in this case. Remember, of course, to be polite. Self-confidence is not arrogance. Calmly and matter-of-factly saying "I can't take care of this right now," "that doesn't work for me," or "I'd love to, but not now" will be an act of real courage for some of us at first. Gradually, however, it will become routine.
Seek professional help
Unfortunately, sometimes even the best advice doesn't help. In such cases, it is worth looking deeper for the causes of low self-confidence and poor self-esteem. Well-chosen therapy can work wonders in this regard, as it allows you to reach the root of the problem and eliminate it at the source. And that in itself will be a remarkable success worth celebrating.
Self-confidence in a nutshell:
- List your strengths and analyze them.
- Rely on rituals and talismans – it's not magic, but the way your mind works.
- Set small goals for yourself and appreciate every step.
- Learn to celebrate and reward your successes. Remember them.
- Treat failures as lessons, not as proof that you are not good enough.
- Visualize victory and affirm it.
- Start saying "no" and setting boundaries.
- If you can't manage on your own, consult a specialist!
