Fall in love with yourself

Self-love – what is it exactly?

Self-love can take many different forms depending on our personal beliefs, values, or temperament. Nevertheless, psychologists identify several essential components for building this skill. These elements are:

• Self-acceptance, which means fully accepting yourself as you are – without exceptions, even for traits we perceive negatively or mistakes made in the past;
• Taking care of your body and mind, or broadly defined self-care – prioritizing your needs on every level and maintaining your boundaries;
• Self-awareness – knowing your strengths and weaknesses, and understanding your feelings, emotions, and their significance; 
• Self-worth, which is the belief in your own abilities and the awareness that our weaknesses do not make us worse or less valuable as human beings.

A trait or a skill?

Is self-love something we are born with? It turns out it isn't – self-love is a skill and a habit. Like all skills, it can be practiced and developed, and habits can be changed and reinforced. So, where should you start? In her book "The Self-Love Habit," Fionna Brennan describes four habits we should learn to cultivate self-love. They are:

L – Listen, listen – let’s listen to our hearts, our feelings, and our emotions, and let’s be compassionate with ourselves;

O – Open, open up – let’s open ourselves up to sensitivity and honesty with one another;

V – Value, appreciate – let’s appreciate ourselves and the people we are, let’s be grateful to ourselves and trust in who we are;

E  – Energise, motivate – let’s motivate ourselves to become better people and transform our habits.

According to the author, we should start with these four simple habits and nurture them until they become second nature. By developing these four practices, we increase our mental resilience and improve our ability to cope with the daily challenges of our emotional lives.

Internal dialogue, inner critic, self-acceptance

When embarking on the journey toward self-love, it is worth paying attention to the tone of your internal dialogue. Is it filled with self-acceptance, understanding, and compassion? Or does it criticize every flaw and everything you do? Listening to your inner voice and transforming it so that it motivates you rather than holding you back is a key element in changing your self-love habits. The way you relate to and speak about yourself has a significant impact on your self-esteem and mental well-being. How can you transform your internal dialogue? The simplest way is to catch yourself in the moment. Your inner critic usually emerges in stressful situations that require mental effort. For many of us, thoughts like "I'm useless, I'll never handle this" are unfortunately a daily occurrence. When you hear such a voice in your head, pause for a moment, focus on the present, and turn that critical remark into something encouraging and understanding. "This task is difficult, but I know I'm doing my best" sounds much better and motivates you to keep going. The main rule for transforming your inner voice is very simple: if you wouldn't say it to someone you love, don't say it to yourself. 

How can you develop the ability to love yourself?

The ability to love yourself  will look different for everyone. However, there are universal methods for developing this skill. According to psychologists, a person who loves themselves should be proficient in at least two areas:

Loving and caring for your body – your body is only a part of who you are, and its primary task is to allow you to move and perform various activities. Your body does not exist to be perfect, beautiful, or flawless. It is a resource and a tool that must be cared for so that it serves you well for a long time. To develop love for your body, try a simple exercise by asking yourself: "What do I owe my body? What do its various parts allow me to do?"

Nurturing your mental health and well-being – setting necessary, healthy boundaries and protecting them, prioritizing your mental comfort over others' expectations, and making time for rest and recovery. It is worth analyzing your commitments to others and considering whether they are all necessary and whether fulfilling them causes you discomfort.

Why is it worth loving yourself?

Developing self-love affects many aspects of your life—your mental well-being, your self-esteem, and your relationships with others. It helps reduce the stress associated with daily challenges, and less stress naturally leads to better physical health, better sleep, and more time for recovery. Feeling better also means having more motivation to act, explore, take on new challenges, and become a better person. 

Self-love builds mental resilience and helps you get back on track when something throws you off balance. It develops empathy, both toward yourself and others, which in turn helps strengthen your bonds with loved ones. How you perceive others is also directly linked to how you perceive yourself—being understanding and accepting of yourself reduces the urge to compare yourself to others.

Most importantly, love—whether for others or for yourself—brings happiness, and you can never have too much happiness!