The Superwoman Syndrome – Why Do Women Still Take On Too Much?

From perfection to burnout

I looked in disbelief. An accidentally found calendar revealed to me the sad truth about myself from years ago — I was a full-time “grader” without a narrow specialization. In other words, I embraced everything and everyone. I look at the notes of one day: kindergarten, tissue paper to buy, a show at my son, an interview with my daughter, a couple of deadlines, three meetings. In addition to this — do a cytology, prepare dinner, call your husband, remember to deworm the cat.

You know that feeling? I bet you do. Many of us women feel that we need to be perfect in each of our roles in life. But do we really have to carry this “superhero” burden on ourselves?

Good organization of everyday life is one thing. Worse when juggling life roles — mother, partner, employee, friend — must be perfect and we must be reliable. This effectively depletes our energy, time, physical and mental resources, leading to feelings of emptiness and even burnout over time. This is what superwoman syndrome looks like.

Why do women take on too much?

National research conducted in 2018 as part of the “Woman Power” project, carried out by Dorota Peretiatkowicz and Katarzyna Krzywicka-Zdunek, showed that the social pressure on women's “embrace” has never been so great. We are expected not only to take care of the house, a warm dinner on the table, great form and sex appeal, but also professional success and high earnings.

In order to meet the demands and not be left behind, we forget the usual human limitations. Biology cannot be fooled. This inhuman rush and perfectionism will eventually pay us the bill.

Olivier Burkeman in his book Four Thousand Weeks argues: “Accepting limits is organizing your days with the knowledge that you will never have enough time for everything you want to do or what is expected of you, and there is not the slightest reason to feel bad about it. You have to learn to consciously decide what you focus on and what you disregard.”

Time for the test — Answer “YES” or “NO” to the following questions:

1. Do you believe that if something is to be done well and efficiently, you have to roll up your sleeves?
2. Have you accustomed loved ones that you embrace everything and silently expect it from you?
3. Is it difficult for you to do something for yourself, to rest, because during this time you could make up for so much?
4. Does asking for help make it difficult for you because you know you should and can handle it on your own?
5. Do you sometimes make amends because you do it your best?
6. Do you take on more than you can bear when you know that “it has to be done”?
7. Is your calendar filled with tasks and it is difficult to find space for rest, time for yourself?
8. Are you often tired, but still move forward?
9. Does your body give signals that it needs a break, but you do not give yourself the right to do so?
10. Do you sometimes suppress your emotions and needs because you think that this is not the moment, that there are more important topics?

Results:

• 1-4 answers to “YES”? You probably have a healthy balance.
• More than 4 answers to “YES”? It is worth looking at your schemes and starting to practice the not easy “art of letting go”.

How to fight superwoman syndrome?

Superwoman syndrome can have a variety of sources — the socially accepted “ideal woman” pattern, social media, messages from home, or fear of judgment and criticism. It can also result from the so-called impostor syndrome, which tells us to prove our competence through excessive work.

Whatever the cause, the consequences of superwoman syndrome are serious — chronic fatigue, professional and parental burnout, psychosomatic complaints. Professionally — makes it difficult to delegate, destabilizes work-life balance. In private life — weakens relationships with loved ones.

Good news? We can do something about it! It is good to look at your habits and, consequently, change your attitude. It is worth starting by accepting that the ideal does not exist, and letting go is an element of self-care.

Healthy time management, proper prioritization and rest planning as an investment in your well-being are key. It will be useful to improve the skills of delegation and the inner consent so that others also have the right to do something “their way”. At most, you will improve later!

I also encourage you to strengthen this process externally - there are a lot of women around you in a similar situation, and conversations with them can act as real mentoring or mastermind.

Pick one little thing that you will consciously let go of in the coming week and see what happens. Surely the world will not collapse, and you can gain some breathing space.

And finally, a reflection - since even Superman changed into Clark Kent to take a break from his “super-version”, then we should give ourselves the right to do so too. Regenerated female potential is unstoppable!

Bibliography:

1) Study “Women in Poland 2018", research agency IQS, in cooperation with Ringier Axel Springer publishing house
2) O. Bukerman, “Four Thousand Weeks”, Insignis Publishing