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New Year’s resolutions often don’t stand the test of time – not because we lack willpower, but because of the pressure and expectations that come with them. Meanwhile, psychologists point out that the key to lasting change is focusing on your own values and needs, not just ticking off a to-do list.
What is an attitude?
Attitude is a key indicator of how we relate to the world around us. In the book “Attitudes and Attitude Change”, Gerd Bohner and Michael Wänke explain that attitude covers everything we can recognise or imagine – from something as concrete as pizza to abstract values like freedom of speech. An attitude can relate not only to objects and ideas, but also to people and social groups – foreigners, politicians, or even entire communities.
So if we look at New Year’s resolutions as just another “object of attitude,” it quickly becomes clear that they carry their own emotional weight. They can be linked to excitement, pressure, perfectionism – and also…that familiar frustration you feel every year.
It’s this very attitude towards resolutions that often decides whether we’ll make real changes – or give up after just a few days or weeks. It’s worth starting with a shift in mindset – instead of treating resolutions like a to-do list or proof that we need to become a “better version of ourselves”, try looking at them with more kindness, awareness of your own needs, values and overall wellbeing. This way, the new year won’t be a test of willpower – it’ll be a chance for real, more authentic change.
What about external pressures?
The pressure around New Year’s resolutions comes from the culture we live in. As Liz Kelly points out in her book “Insight into Yourself: Self-Awareness andChange”, modern society is heavily focused on wellbeing, while at the same time sending us a message that if we’re not happy, motivated and productive all the time, then “something must be wrong with us”. Meanwhile, as Kelly highlights, no one feels happy all the time – and happiness is naturally fleeting.
Creating New Year’s resolutions under the pressure of constant productivity and the belief that a new year must bring instant change can lead to a psychological trap. Research by John Norcross, one of the most widely cited experts on New Year’s resolutions, clearly shows that most of them fail within the first 2-4 weeks.
Interestingly, this isn’t about a lack of willpower – it’s because goals shaped by external expectations don’t last and lack real inner motivation. As a result, instead of supporting growth, they give us more reasons for self-criticism and comparing ourselves to others. So what do psychologists recommend? Let’s start by asking ourselves an important question again: “Do my goals come from my own needs, or from the pressure that I should be better in the new year?”
Why are task-based goals so fragile?
One reason traditional New Year’s resolutions often don’t deliver the results we expect is their task-based structure. Common phrases like “I’ll lose 5 kg” or “I’ll start going to the gym twice a week” are often built around a reward-based system.They assume that if I complete the task, I’ll feel good about myself – and if I don’t, I’ll feel like I’ve failed. Meanwhile, psychology is clear – rewards on their own don’t create lasting change.
Theauthors of “Managing Change and Transitions” stress that to achieve real change, the people responsible for making it happen need the right knowledge, information and inner motivation. That’s why, as they point out, rewards should be just one part of a broader system of incentives that support change.
Similar ideas appear in self-determination theory by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, which says that lasting change comes from inner motivation – not from external rewards or pressure. That’s why resolutions based only on numbers, results and “ticking boxes” are so fragile – they don’t connect with deeper values and needs that can sustain change overtime.
What kind of direction helps you stick to your resolutions?
Now that we know what affects how long New Year’s resolutions last, it’s worth taking a look at what psychologists recommend. More and more experts point out that goals based on values are far more effective. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed among others by Steven C. Hayes, highlights that values work like a compass – they show direction, but don’t set a fixed destination. That’s why they’re more durable and resilient to ups and downs in motivation than result-based goals.
In “Positive Change”, Elisabeth Mardorf points out that admiration alone won’t create change – but it can be the driving force that pushes us to turn dreams into reality. In the end, each of us has to decide what that realisation looks like for us. It’s an important thought – one that shows change starts on the inside, with our own inner direction, not from the outside.
How can you change the way you approach challenges? Swap “I’ll lose 5 kg” for “I’ll take care of my health with kindness and awareness, listening to my body’s signals.” With this kind of thinking, we can not only ease the pressure but also increase the chances that the change will actually last. Its strength lies in the need to care for yourself – not in external pressure.
Research shows that people guided by values are more persistent, give up less often after setbacks, and cope better with difficult emotions during the change process.
How can you discover what you really want?
Bringing avalues-based approach into your life means slowing down and listening to your own needs. It’s worth noting that this isn’t easy in a world that constantly tells us what goals we should chase – ideally spectacular, fast and visible to others. Psychologists say a simple tool works well – before writing down a resolution, ask yourself two key questions: “Would I still want this goal if no one were judging me?” and “What do I feel when I think about it?”.
What should the answers to these questions be? What really matters is what they shouldn’t be. If they come with tension, fear or a sense of obligation, thegoal is most likely coming from the outside. If instead you feel curiosity, lightness and a sense that “this makes sense”, you’re much closer to your real needs.
Research on authenticity and mental wellbeing (including work by Michael Kernis and Brian Goldman) confirms that goals aligned with your own values bring greater satisfaction and support lasting change. These are the goals that can become a solid foundation for NewYear’s resolutions – ones that don’t create pressure, but genuinely help uslive more consciously and in line with ourselves.
References:
1. Bohner G., Wanke M., Postawy i zmiana postaw, Wydawnictwo GWP, Gdańsk, 2004.
2. Kelly L., Wgląd w siebie. Samoświadomość i zmiana, Wydawnictwo Zwierciadło,2025.
3. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2980864/
4.https://www.forbes.com/sites/dandiamond/2013/01/01/just-8-of-people-achieve-their-new-years-resolutions-heres-how-they-did-it/
5. Zarządzanie zmianą i okresem przejściowym, Harvard Business SchoolPublishing Corporation, Wydawnictwo MT Biznes Sp. z o.o., 2003.
6. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/11946306_Self-Determination_Theory_and_the_Facilitation_of_Intrinsic_Motivation_Social_Development_and_Well-Being
7. https://psyche.academy/psychologia-motywacji/teoria-autodeterminacji-2/
8. https://stevenchayes.com/the-power-of-writing-about-your-values/
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