.svg){kind=icon}
New Year's resolutions often fail to stand the test of time—not because of a lack of willpower, but because of the pressure and expectations that accompany them. Psychologists, however, emphasize that the key to lasting change is focusing on your own values and needs, rather than just a to-do list.
What is an attitude?
An attitude is a key indicator of how we relate to the world around us. In their book "Attitudes and Attitude Change," Gerd Bohner and Michaela Wanke explain that it encompasses everything we are capable of distinguishing or imagining – from something as concrete as pizza to abstract values like freedom of speech. An attitude can relate not only to objects and ideas but also to people and social groups—foreigners, politicians, or even entire communities.
If we look at New Year's resolutions as just another "attitude object," we quickly notice that they carry their own emotional weight. They can be associated with excitement, pressure, perfectionism, and also… the frustration experienced every year.
It is this attitude toward resolutions that often determines whether we will be able to implement changes or abandon them after a few days or weeks. It is worth starting by changing your approach—instead of treating resolutions as a to-do list or proof that we should become a "better version of ourselves," let's try to look at them with more gentleness and mindfulness toward our own needs, values, and sense of well-being. Thanks to this, the new year will not be a test of willpower, but a chance for real, more authentic change.
What about external pressure?
The source of the pressure associated with New Year's resolutions is the culture we live in. As Liz Kelly notes in her book "Insight: The Power of Self-Awareness in a World of Self-Delusion," modern society is strongly oriented toward well-being, yet it sends us the signal that if we are not happy, motivated, and productive all the time, it means "something is wrong with us." Meanwhile, as Kelly emphasizes, no one feels happy constantly, and happiness is a naturally fleeting state.
Creating New Year's resolutions under the pressure of constant productivity and the mindset that the new year must mean immediate change can lead to a psychological trap. Research by John Norcross, one of the most frequently cited experts on New Year's resolutions, clearly indicates that most of them fail within the first 2-4 weeks.
Interestingly, this is not caused by a lack of willpower, but by the fact that goals created under the influence of external expectations are unstable and lack internal motivation. As a result, instead of supporting growth, they provide reasons for self-criticism and comparison with others. So, what do psychologists advise? Let's start by asking ourselves an important question again: "Do my goals stem from my own needs, or from the pressure that I should be better in the new year?".
Why are task-based goals so fragile?
One of the reasons why traditional New Year's resolutions do not bring the expected results is their task-oriented structure. Frequently appearing phrases, such as "I will lose 5 kg" or "I will start going to the gym twice a week," are often based on a reward system. They assume that if I complete the task, I will feel satisfied with myself, and if that doesn't happen, a sense of failure will emerge. Meanwhile, psychology is clear: rewards in themselves do not create lasting change.
The authors of "Managing Change and Transition" emphasize that to achieve the desired change, it is essential that those responsible for making it happen have the right knowledge, information, and intrinsic motivation. Therefore, as they point out, rewards should only be part of a larger system of incentives that support transformation.
Similar principles are found in the self-determination theory of Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, according to which lasting change stems from intrinsic motivation, not from external stimuli or pressure. This is why resolutions based solely on numbers, results, and "checking off tasks" are so fragile—they do not tap into the deeper values and needs required to sustain them over time.
What approach will help you stick to your resolutions?
Now that we know what influences the durability of our New Year's resolutions, it is worth looking at the recommendations of psychologists. An increasing number of experts point out that goals based on values are significantly more effective. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed by Steven C. Hayes and others, emphasizes that values are like a compass—they show the direction, but do not set a specific destination. That is why they are more durable and resilient to fluctuations in motivation than outcome-based goals.
In her book "Positive Change," Elisabeth Mardorf notes that enthusiasm alone will not lead to change, but it can be the driving force that pushes us to make our dreams a reality. Ultimately, each of us must decide what that realization should look like. This is an important insight, showing that change begins within, through the internal direction we set for ourselves, rather than from the outside.
How can you change your approach to challenges? Replace the goal "I will lose 5 kg" with "I will take care of my health with kindness and mindfulness, responding to my body's signals." By thinking this way, we can not only reduce pressure but also increase the chances that the change will be more lasting. Its strength lies in the need to care for oneself, rather than in external pressure.
According to research, people guided by values are they are more persistent, less likely to give up after setbacks, and better at managing difficult emotions during the change process.
How do you discover what you really want?
Adopting a values-based approach to life requires pausing and listening to your own needs. It is worth noting that this is not easy in a world that constantly tells us which goals we should be achieving—ideally ones that are spectacular, quick, and visible to others. According to psychologists, a simple tool yields good results: before writing down a resolution, ask yourself two important questions: "Would I want to achieve this goal if no one were judging me?" and "How do I feel when I think about it?".
What should the answers to these questions be? The key is what they should not be. If you feel tension, anxiety, or a sense of obligation, the goal most likely comes from an external source. However, if you feel curiosity, lightness, and the conviction that "this makes sense," you are closer to your true needs.
Research on authenticity and psychological well-being (including work by Michael Kernis and Brian Goldman) confirms that goals aligned with your own values bring greater satisfaction and support lasting change. These are the goals that can become a solid foundation for New Year's resolutions—ones that don't create pressure, but instead help us live more consciously and in harmony with ourselves.
Bibliography:
- Bohner G., Wanke M., Attitudes and Attitude Change, GWP Publishing, Gdańsk, 2004.
- Kelly L., Insight into Self. Self-Awareness and Change, Zwierciadło Publishing, 2025.
- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2980864/
- https://www.forbes.com/sites/dandiamond/2013/01/01/just-8-of-people-achieve-their-new-years-resolutions-heres-how-they-did-it/
- Managing Change and Transition, Harvard Business School Publishing Corporation, MT Biznes Publishing, 2003.
- https://www.researchgate.net/publication/11946306_Self-Determination_Theory_and_the_Facilitation_of_Intrinsic_Motivation_Social_Development_and_Well-Being
- https://psyche.academy/psychologia-motywacji/teoria-autodeterminacji-2/
- https://stevenchayes.com/the-power-of-writing-about-your-values/
- https://philarchive.org/archive/BOSTRO-10
- https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0023969024000572
- https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/chapter/bookseries/abs/pii/S0065260106380069
- Franken R. E., Human Motivation, Gdańsk Psychological Publishing House, Gdańsk, 2005.
